Being Busy Is Not a Badge of Honor

In my 30’s and 40’s, when a friend or colleague asked how I was doing, my standard answer was, “Life is great! I am incredibly busy.” I wore my busyness like a badge of honor as I rushed from appointment to appointment.

I equated being busy with being valuable. Therefore, the more I achieved, the more valuable I became.

This busyness and workaholism of mine was an addiction. Like all addicts, I overestimated the benefits of my addictive behavior, and underestimated the costs.

The biggest benefit was the harder I worked, the more money I earned. I owned a beautiful home, two luxury cars, and sent my kids to private school. In my mind, my growing net worth transformed me from an awkward, nerdy kid into a respected and successful man. I told myself I had it all.

I didn’t. My relationship with my first wife suffered. I didn’t sleep enough, exercise much, or eat a healthy diet. My faith waned. I rarely attended synagogue or observed the Sabbath.

I was lonely and emotionally absent. Even when spending time with friends and family, my mind was occupied by thoughts of work. I kept thinking, “There must be more to life than this.” My answer was to book an expensive luxury vacation every three months, after working relentlessly all quarter to take care of my business. Then, for two weeks, I would pay people lots of money to take care of me.

It never dawned on me to work at a sustainable pace, sleep and exercise more, and spend less time on the job so I could spend more time with my wife, my kids, and my friends. If you, too, find yourself constantly sacrificing the people and priorities that matter most to you, maybe it’s time to reconsider whether you really need to devote so much time and energy to work. Or even whether you’re in the right job.

I hoped the luxury vacations would help my wife and I reconnect, and often they did. But those feelings of closeness soon faded once we returned home, and I went back to feeding my addiction.

I craved more fun. My answer was to reward myself by buying something expensive. Splurging made me feel like a winner. Money enabled me to do things others couldn’t do.

But those good feelings never lasted. When I went back to work, my exhaustion and loneliness came rushing back.

Eventually I realized that I had lost touch with the life my soul desired.

I always thought I was money-motivated. Turns out that wasn’t true. I was success-motivated, and money was my mistaken measure of success.

What success now means to me is being with the people I love, enjoying the good times together, and supporting each other during the tough times. I am a person of faith with a deep desire to grow religiously. I understand the importance of taking care of myself because I want to live a long, healthy life. I love to read, talk, and write about what matters most in life.

If you relate to my story, you need to define what success means to you. That takes time to pause, reflect, and discover. If you are working relentlessly to be successful without regard for what you truly want from life, you run the risk of pursuing an illusion, as I once did.

Until our next conversation,

David

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Small Steps & Worthy Questions

1. What is your definition of success? Have you given it any thought lately?

2. Are you addicted to being busy? If you answered no, are you sure that you’re being honest with yourself?

3. Is it hard for you to pause and sit in stillness? Does it make you anxious? Being still is a learned skill. Start small. Download a meditation app and start with a 5-minute guided meditation.

4. Consider taking an hour this week to do something you enjoy outside of work. Notice how it makes you feel.